


(i drove for miles and miles and) wound up at your door

by queenvernage



Category: Super Sentai Series, 快盗戦隊ルパンレンジャー VS 警察戦隊パトレンジャー | Kaitou Sentai Lupinranger VS Keisatsu Sentai Patoranger
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, Kairi is really hard on himself, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, but mostly - Freeform, like seriously this is one long panic attack please don't read if you're triggered by this!, shameless self-projection, we love soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:46:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23420407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenvernage/pseuds/queenvernage
Summary: of all the places kairi could have wandered between panic attacks and nightmares, he winds up at keiichiro's place. as if he didn't have enough to feel bad about, now he's giving keiichiro something to worry about, too. great.kairi has a panic attack and keiichiro comforts him through it.
Relationships: Asaka Keiichirou/Yano Kairi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	(i drove for miles and miles and) wound up at your door

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by an anon's prompt/ask on tumblr: https://queenvernage.tumblr.com/post/614054827958370305/imagine-kairi-sleeping-at-keiichiros-house-be-it

If a year ago someone had told Kairi that he would be wearing a GSPO Academy t-shirt two sizes too big for him while he brushed his teeth in the police dorms’ community bathroom he would have laughed so loud and hard that it hurt.

And yet here he was, wearing not just any GSPO t-shirt but _Keiichiro’s_ “GSPO Class of 2015” training shirt, complete with a tiny rip at the collar from where it had been washed too aggressively, and holding a brand new toothbrush. He pulled the brush across his teeth with very little care as he assessed the rest of himself in the mirror.

Hair? Messy. It had been a while since it was styled properly, and his curls were refusing to behave. The walk in the drizzling rain on his way over here hadn’t helped that situation even a little. His roots were also starting to grow in, but that was a problem for next week Kairi.

Eyes? Redder than they should be. Although he’d washed his face twice in this sink with cold water, his entire face was still red from the crying. There were bags under his eyes as well, but they had been there since well before this the latest addition to his growing collection recent midnight breakdowns. 

Body? Well, it had been a while since he had the energy to work out, so the muscle definition in his arms was starting to go, but all things considered, he was lucky to not have many visible scars. At least not with a shirt on.

With Keiichiro’s stupid heather gray, stretched out t-shirt on.

Fuck. What was he thinking? What was he doing here?

He spat in the sink, before bringing a handful of cold water to his mouth to wash away the stray toothpaste foam. Sighing one final time at his somewhat pathetic reflection, he collected his armful of wet clothes and stepped out of the (thankfully empty) bathroom to begin his trek down the (also thankfully empty) hall back to Keiichiro’s room.

Why, he wondered for the hundredth time since arriving, had he come here?

It had been a sleepless week for Kairi. Well, not entirely sleepless, but what little sleep he’d gotten had been full of nightmares that he could never fully recall when he came back to; leaving him with only the anxiety, the cold sweat and the lump in his throat against the fear of something he couldn’t even remember.

When he and the other Lupinrangers had been freed from Dogranio Yaboon’s safe by Shouri and the others a few months back, everything fell back into normal for a little bit. Or at least as “normal” as Kairi’s life had been since he became Lupin Red. Sparring with the Patorangers had been a fun distraction for that first week, but the immediate jump from being in a sub-existence state to going on the run was too much.

Part of him was relieved when the GSPO extended the olive branch nearly immediately with the offer to drop the charges against himself, Touma and Umika in exchange for an agreement to work together to recover the remainder of the Lupin collection. It was especially relieving to be able to move back into the apartment he and his brother hadn’t shared in about two full years, but the Lupin estate had generously continued to pay the rent for. 

Kairi thought he’d be even further relieved when it finally hit him that the worst parts were over. He thought when it finally sank in that he had his brother back, that he didn’t have to hide or perform or put up a front for anyone, that he had even gotten off fairly consequence free -- when he finally processed all that, he was sure he would be able to go back to being the carefree self he hadn’t let be since he’d entered high school.

But old habits die hard, and somehow… Somehow things were worse than ever, even though he knew they shouldn’t be.

Shaking his thoughts, Kairi pushed open the door to Keiichiro’s room, gently clearing his throat to announce his arrival to the room’s occupant.

“Kairi-kun?” Keiichiro looked up from where he was finishing making up the futon. The fluorescent overhead light should have been unflattering, but somehow just made the brown irises of his eyes seem more earnest than ever. “Do you feel any better?”

No. Of course not.

“Yeah, loads. Thanks for the, uh,” He pulled at the excess fabric around his torso. “The change of clothes. Is there a place where I can--”

“Yes, please, allow me!” Keiichiro jumped to his feet, taking hold of the wet bundle from Kairi’s arms, anticipating his question about where to put the clothes he’d changed out of. Keiichiro shook them out with care and placed them to dry on a rack by the glass doors that made up the far wall of his room. 

“These should dry up nicely over night, and be ready to go in the morning,” Keiichiro smiled, before suddenly catching himself. “Not that you have to go in the morning-- I mean, you’re welcome to stay as long as you want! Or leave before they’re dry if you’d rather! I don’t want you to think--”

“Would you stop that?” Kairi found himself snapping before he could stop. “I’m not even thinking hard enough to read into anything that deep, okay?”

“I’m sorry,” Keiichiro muttered, rolling his stupidly broad shoulders under his matching GSPO t-shirt, before looking away. 

Kairi immediately felt bad about his reaction, but as usual, an apology just wouldn’t form in his brain. He settled for a grumbled acceptance instead.

Keiichiro being on edge like this around him was nothing new. He’d been like this with Kairi back when they weren’t on speaking terms after the whole Yadoga Gohome incident last year, and again when Kairi had confronted him after his mask came off, but he’d hoped they would be past it now.

This dynamic made sense to Kairi’s mind, though. All those times and even now, it was always the same. Keiichiro would show that stupid lopsided smile and the most earnest and caring words, and Kairi would show all his worst sides, his anger his bitterness, worst of all his cutting nastiness as a way to what? Scare Keiichiro out of caring? 

Whatever that knee jerk reaction of his was, it was working, it seemed. These days, Keiichiro would barely even look at him, let alone talk to him or connect with him as they had. Kairi was beginning to wonder if he’d imagined that spark between them after all.

Damn Kairi’s stupid legs for walking him here.

He’d woken up hours ago after another nightmare, confused, shaking and unsure as to what had upset him so much. The helplessness and uselessness compounded, like the weight of a truck on his chest as he tried to catch his breath, but to no avail. His body wracking with silent but forceful sobs, his heart racing and although the baby in him wanted to cry for Shouri and his help, Kairi’s throat was so tight, no noise would come out.

(A small voice in his head told him that was for the best. He’d put Shouri through enough. No need to add panic attack Kairi to the long list of “bad Kairi forms” he’d forced Shouri to experience.)

Whether he’d lied crying like that for seconds, or minutes, or hours, he wasn’t sure, but when he’d finally calmed down enough to reach for his phone on his bedside table, the clock face on the lockscreen told him it was 2:14 a.m.

He had considered calling Touma, who would understand and say something blunt but comforting (“shut up, take a shower and count backwards from 1000, then we’ll talk” had been his go-to advice the last few times this happened), but Kairi was worried he’d wake up Aya again. Umika… He wouldn’t call Umika. She had been too worried hearing about the last episode. If he called in the middle of one? She wouldn’t know how to help, and honestly he’d just be burdening her.

He had wiped fruitlessly at the mess of snot and tears on his face, pulled on a hoodie and sneakers and slipped out for a walk in the night air without bothering anyone. He hadn’t even noticed the rain until he was standing in front of the GSPO dorms with his finger hovering over the buzzer labeled “110 (Asaka, K.)”.

Keiichiro, his hair all mussed from sleep, had taken one look at him, pushed clean clothes and a new toothbrush in his hand the rest was history. He hadn’t even asked what happened, not pushing when Kairi hadn’t immediately offered. A year ago Keiichiro would have bombarded him with questions and assumptions that pissed him off, but some time in their months apart, Keiichiro must have put an end to that habit, Kairi figured.

( _Or maybe, you’ve finally done it, and scared him out of caring about you all together_ , a voice in Kairi’s head supplied.)

“I’m sorry I only have the one futon,” Keiichiro spoke softly. “I put fresh sheets on for you, though, and I’ll sleep on the floor over here.” He pointed to the foot of the futon, but it didn’t look comfortable at all.

Kairi really was a piece of shit for coming here and making Keiichiro think he had to give up his bed, and for what? So the crybaby who woke him up at three in the morning could be comfortable? All he ever did was take. The thought brought fresh tears to his eyes, but he tried not to let them go any further.

“I don’t want to take your bed, K-chan.” Fuck. The tears were in his voice, making it sound thick and pathetic, even to his own ears.

Keiichiro had a weird look on his face, Kairi just barely registered. It was… like sympathy but more? Like without words, without even knowing what Kairi was feeling, Keiichiro was feeling it, too. 

That was all it took for the tears to come all the way out, streaming down his face, as the sobs were back, worse than the ones when he first woke up. He didn’t even feel it when his knees hit the hard floor of Keiichiro’s room.

“Kairi, can I… Can I touch you?” Keiichiro’s voice felt far away, although he had quickly come to kneel at Kairi’s side. Kairi must have nodded, because Keiichiro placed a warm, reassuring hand on his back. “Is this okay? Can I hold you or would you rather--”

Without thinking, without even registering his own movement, Kairi launched himself into Keiichiro’s arms. He caught himself sniffing after a particularly hard sob, and it hit him that he was slobbering all over the kindest, warmest, gentlest human being in existence and the realization made him sob all the harder.

Go figure. Kairi had left Keiichiro alone to fight Dogranio and the rest of his syndicate without him, selfishly thinking only of his brother and his own pain, and now here he was, crying like he was the victim of something, when he was the one who--

“You’re going to be okay, Kairi-kun,” Keiichiro whispered. He was running a soothing hand through the hair on the back of Kairi’s head in a slow, steady, repetitive motion. “You are the strongest, bravest, most selfless person I know, and you’re going to be okay. You don’t have to do this alone. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here.”

“I-I’m none of those things K-chan,” He choked out between sobs. “I… I’m the worst. You shouldn’t have to deal with someone as terrible as me, I’m so sorry that I’m even… I don’t know why you bother, I’m such a...”

He trailed off, he couldn’t find the words. His brain couldn’t find ones strong enough or mean enough to describe how he felt about himself in that moment.

“Sh, it’s okay. I’m still here.” Vaguely, Kairi wondered why this was the phrase Keiichiro kept repeating. It wasn’t like he was asking Keiichiro not to go, if anything his words were begging Keiichiro to come to his senses and leave him alone. 

It was then that it dawned on him how tightly he was holding Keiichiro. His knuckles where tight from where they were grabbing onto Keiichiro’s back… as though he was worried that Keiichiro might run.

“Can you hear my heartbeat?” Keiichiro asked softly, when Kairi had caught his breath a little. Kairi listened for a moment before giving a short soft nod into Keiichiro’s neck. “Good. Just listen to that. Focus on my heart and your breathing. Try to match them okay?”

Kairi gave out a little mumble. Why did Keiichiro have to be so kind? Why did he have to be so perfect? Why did he have to know exactly what Kairi needed? Most importantly, why wasn’t Kairi able to do the same for him in return? It wasn’t fair.

Eventually when Kairi’s breathing evened out, he pulled away just enough to be disgusted by the string of snot connecting his face to Keiichiro’s shirt.

“I’m sorry,” Kairi mumbled, wiping at his face again. “Your shirt…”

“What about it?” Keiichiro smiled that stupid reassuring smile of his. “I’ve got plenty of shirts. Nothing a little wash won’t solve. How about some tea?” He went to pull out of their embrace, but Kairi found his hands resting on Keiichiro’s hips, holding him there.

“K-chan… why are you so nice to me?” Kairi asked, careful not to meet Keiichiro’s gaze, worried about what he’d find there. “How can you keep being nice to me, when I’m so mean and short with you all the time?”

One of Keiichiro’s hands came up and brushed a curl off Kairi’s forehead. He hummed contemplatively, before hooking a finger under Kairi’s chin and meeting his eyes with a fondness Kairi couldn’t explain.

“Because I know how hard it is for you to let people in, Kairi-kun,” he smiled. “And even if it’s just a little bit, I’m glad that you let me see the sides of you that are like this. I want to see every side of you and even if some sides of you are sad, or angry, or hurt… They’re still you, and I can’t help but care about someone as precious as you are.”

Kairi batted Keiichiro’s hand off his face and turned away, thankful that his face was already red from crying, so it couldn’t be that much more red from the embarrassment.

“Careful, K-chan, if you keep saying cheesy stuff like that I’m going to fall in love with you or something.”

Keiichiro let out a soft chuckle, as he rose and walked over to his closet. “I think I could live with those consequences.”

Kairi averted his gaze (somewhat belatedly) as Keiichiro pulled off the tear soaked t-shirt. (Okay, maybe he lingered a little on Keiichiro’s back muscles. Whatever.) When he pulled on a fresh one, he came back over and pressed a cold water bottle into Kairi’s hand.

“Replenish your fluids, I’ll finish making the bed.” He smiled, cracking the seal on the bottle before turning to finish with the futon.

“K-chan?” Kairi piped up after a small sip. When Keiichiro hummed in response, he went on. “I’m going to be really offended if you don’t sleep in the futon with me.”

Kairi almost ( _almost_ ) smiled when he saw the faint blush on Keiichiro’s cheeks, but Keiichiro just nodded in response.

When the lights were out and Kairi was snuggled into Keiichiro’s side like he was made to fit against this man’s chest, Kairi focused on the feeling of Keiichiro’s fingers in his hair and his heartbeat in his ear, and drifted into the most peaceful sleep he’d had in a week.

(He’d think about the implications later.)

**Author's Note:**

> so that was. i'm v sorry...
> 
> as a person who has pretty intense (and not infrequent) panic attacks, this was a lot of self-projection and also i'm just always thinking about how kairi is saying and doing things that are directly in conflict with what he actually wants to convey. NONE of the mean things that kairi thinks about himself in this fic are true! and NONE of the mean things that those of with anxiety think about ourselves are true, either. it can be easy to look for the bad in ourselves because that's what we want to see, but i bet you anything that k-chan would want better for you, me and kairi, and we owe it to him to look for that good in us, too.


End file.
